Review #43: Meet the Epic Harem Comedy Movie!

Trust me, this LOLcat is funnier than this comic.

Title: Shonen Punk
Artist: Andy Pinkard (a.k.a. "Teh Andeh")
Genre: Harem Comedy(?)
Updates: M-W-F
Link: http://shonenpunk.com/sps2/ (current strip)
(Also, click here for the archive of the "first season" of Shonen Punk. Don't stare at it too long.)

[Ed note: Dr. Haus's brain was too far damaged to write an accurate review for this comic. So instead, we have cobbled together a transcript based on this audio cassette he happened to be carrying just before he crashed out on our couch. We have given him a large glass of ice water and are now playing the DVD box set of the entire first season of The Boondocks on the TV screen in front of him, in hopes that it will wake him from this catatonic state.]

--0:00 "Okay, I've decided to try jumping into this thing. Apparently the archive only has about 15 strips. Oh, I see, this is just a 'season 2.' I guess I should look at 'season 1' to get the story."

--1:01 "Beginning has been located. Possible artist self-insertion character, drawings look hastily cobbled together with shoddy inking, but I'll excuse it for now, as the artist is just starting."

--1:12 "Holy shit, did he just toss in random Japanese words for no reason at all? This doesn't seem right. And what the fuck kinda name is Chiitsu Pinkada?"

--1:43 "Oh God, the first female lead character has been introduced, magically appearing from a Hentai DVD. And in one brazen act of wish-fufillment, her first act is declaring she wants to jump on the main character's dick for no reason at all. In Andy's defense, she did come from a Hentai DVD, but was he really that desperate for a girlfriend? Sorry, getting off track again."

--2:55 "Her brother is a robot? Okay, that's a bit of a stretch, but my suspension of disbelief is seriously failing pretty early here."

--3:10 "A cat-girl named Neko-Chan who may or may not have the hots for that Chiitsu guy? Fuck this, I'm going to mooch some booze off my friend, and then try to tackle this review again."

--4:20 "Wait, you're telling me he plays fucking Gaia Online? No wonder he couldn't get a girl until one magically jumped out of a Hentai DVD."

--5:05 "Okay, there's a black chick, and she's tossing in random Japanese words. Something about a secret evil scientist guy too."

--5:16 "Oh, and now she wants the fat guy's cock too. Didn't think he would bother to include actual personality in any of these people."

--5:20 "Maybe it's the booze talking, but I think my brain is starting to die. Lemme just skip ahead here..."

--6:42 "Some chick obsessed with Pocky. Did this artist actually meet any women, like, in the real world? Or did he just learn everything about relationships from hentai and anime? Lemme take a shot of Jim Beam. [incomprehensible] Yes, it's for science dammit!"

--6:50 "Oh, and they're at some academy or something...but really, who gives a shit? I thought this shit was supposed to be a harem comedy, but I don't see the fucking comedy."

--6:59 "Maybe it'll get better if I scroll through to half a year..."

--7:04 "No, no it didn't."

--7:13 "Holy shit, this guy combined l33tspeak, an unnatural obsession with Pocky and big-breasted, two-dimensional women. On one page. The world really is coming to an end."

--10:22 "Look, if you're gonna reference Power Rangers, at least make it funny goddammit. Simply referencing the material doesn't make it funny. Oh he's also trapped in a MMORPG or something.

--13:00 "Wait, now it's an allegory for Chiitsu's IRL girlfriend and his [not-]Real Doll Eva fighting over him? Wow, talk about wish-fulfillment."

--15:30 "What did Ashton Kutcher say in that episode of That 70's Show? I think it was something like 'could God make a boob so big that He Himself could not fully grab it?' [inaudible] Wow, I must be drunk, cuz I'm actually laughing at a joke by Ashton Kutcher without wanting to punch him in the face! [laughter]"

--17:07 "Another girl wants to fuck the Gary Stu main character. Why don't I encounter big breasted women who want to have my babies every time I step outside, or a preteen catgirl who refers to me as 'daddy!' every few minutes? Wow, these weeaboos must have some pretty high self-esteem."

--20:01 "Wait, is that possible plot I smell? Nah, that's just cannibis."

--20:13 "Hehehe...plot! Just sounds funny. Plotplotplot."

--21:18 "Not-Zordon has returned. I'm just gonna play some Doors right now while we...I mean I smoke this bowl. There's no one else in this room except me and a nice couple who did not sell me illegal drugs and alcohol. Believe it! [laughter] ...wait a minute, that's not funny! That's not funny at all! Put on the Doors, man!"

--24:23 "Wait, 'The Thrill Is Gone' was a song by B.B. King, right? Right. Guess what? The thrill is gooonnnne. The thrill is gone awwwwaaaayyyyy. That's the feeling I get while reading this shit. Fuck, I don't even think John Solomon could stomach this shit."

--28:55 "I AM NO MINIBOSS TO SIMPLY CATS ASIDE! MWAHAHAHAHAHA! You'll never take me alive, coppahs!"

--32:00 "No! The [not-]Real Doll dies! And she was a robot all along?" [excessive sobbing in background--Ed.]

--36:59 "Get me another bottle! I'm just getting drunk enough to laugh at this thing!"

--42:38 "Now a Naruto-ish woman wants to jump on his dick? Why have I not seen one panel of nudity to make up for all this shitty writing? At least John Joseco could deliver some hot lesbian sex in The Lounge. Oh, and that Pinkader, Pinkerton, Pink-whatever also wrote in the blog post below this comic:

omg it’s trista. she’s a friend I met on gaia XD most kissable lips on person i evar met i swear *0*

>> nice tits too >>;

Here, just smack my nuts with a 2x4, it's the only way I'll be able to get through with this review."

--43:09 "OWWWWWW! FUCK! MY NUTS ARE ON FIRE! GET ME A DOCTOR!"

--43:19 "Oh wait, I am a doctor! [inaudible] Hey, I don't tell you how to do your job. Gimme that 2x4 bitch! Gimme it now!"

[It was at this point that the tape recorder ran out of batteries. According to later interviews with Dr. Haus, he admitted that the art has gotten considerably better in Season 2, but the writing still sucks like a underaged, two-dollar whore with Chris Hansen watching nearby.

Apparently, the anime references, random Japanese language, and the two-dimensional females who were just there to jump on the male lead's dick were just too much for Dr. Haus to handle. However, upon recovery, he has prepared a statement:]

Yeah, I put in as much effort into writing this review as "Andeh" did with his comic. And here I thought Marilith was semi-exploitive, but at least Marilith had a plot, and it had women who didn't need to rip off anime tropes to fight. And at least they fought for something other than the privilege of sucking off the fatass male lead.

So, Andy, wanna know why I think this comic sucks aside from the above? Because you throw in several references to Japanese manga and anime at random, and then you don't even bother to parody them. As I said all the way back during my review of Bad Guy High, references alone do not make a humorous comic, you must take the reference and turn it upside down or else the humor is gone. You just use the references to reinforce the Gary Stu-ness of your main character.

Then again, you can just throw a ton of pop-culture references in your script and hope enough stupid people pay you to see it before they realize they've been swindled, if at all. But enough about every movie written by Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer.

Look, if pretty much the entire comic is about how every female character with big breasts wants to fuck the male lead character, then stop dicking around and turn it into an H-comic. Lord knows you can make money off of it, just look at John Joseco. But if you're going to make a harem comedy, you have to include some actual fucking "comedy." If you're going to parody the genre, then stop playing into the same fucking stereotypes and parody it already.

I just hope this was one giant-ass parody of a bad comic intended to piss the reader off so you can say you "did it for the lulz" like those folks behind Powerup Comics. Chances are you'll say it anyways even if, as I suspect, you really don't have any ability to write any characters outside of stomping flat every anime trope I can think of while you engage in blatant wish-fulfillment with your self-inserted character. Excuse me, in season two it's the semi-digital copy of a blue-haired boy created from the sperm that two of the [not-]Real Doll girls carried from the original Gary Stu of Chiitsu Pinkada who is now Emperor of Earth or some shit. No I am not fucking joking.

I'm sorry, you obviously understand Japanese, right? After all, you dropped "chan" and "san" and "nani" and all those words that people pick up after reading enough manga, so maybe I should spell it out for you in this way: お客様のウェブコミックは悪いですが、気を悪くしておいてください。

You're welcome.

UPDATE (3/31): It has been brought to my attention that the artist of this masterpiece, "Teh Andeh," has graced this humble blog with his presence to say that he did it for the lulz. Dr. Haus is unable to fully respond, as he is currently chugging a bottle of NyQuil and hoping for yet another bout of sickness to leave his body. However, it seems some of "Teh Andeh's" words were scrambled upon posting, and this is the best our team of translators could transcribe in response.

Also, Dr. Haus scribbled this down on a piece of paper before punching out:

I've officially reviewed almost 50 comics, and this one sparks the most nerd rage?