The Webcomic Watchman

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Special Edition: "On Notice"

You better believe it, you people brought this on yourselves. As Saint Stephen Colbert displays below, you all are On Notice!

You're all on notice!

Oh yeah, feel the burn! Dr. Haus has officially declared open season, biyotch!

Scott Kurtz: For drawing a gaming comic that no longer really talks about games. I think Kurtz has become more like Jim Davis (creator of Garfield) over the years, just drawing whatever it takes for Image Comics and his legion of fans to send him a paycheck. For what originally started out as a good idea, but has now turned into a cesspool of crap where anyone can pimp their poor excuse for a webcomic for free.

"Fighting Words" Comics: Because all it takes to make a political cartoon is just cutting up paragraphs of a blog entry and pasting it onto different panels while drawing a line to a head with its mouth open, or at least that's what Ben Smith seems to think here. Maybe he should take a page from Kirk Anderson's Banana Republic instead.

John Joseco: Because his art style may be good, but it seems his writing mostly wanders along two different schools of thought: soft and hard(NSFW). Makes me wonder if he did a small stint as the sexpet of a femme dominatrix in his past, and then poured out his frustrations afterward by drawing all the girl-on-girl innuendo and action he could muster.

Christopher Paolini: Okay, he isn't in webcomics, but I still fucking hate him. The home-schooled young writer who managed to get a publishing deal at the age of 19 thanks to his parents, and now has a movie and a video game coming out. All this based on a book that looks like someone took Lord of the Rings and the Star Wars prequel trilogy, tossed in a bunch of convenient plot devices, and spitted it all onto the page while the rest of us actually have to work hard just to get a short story published for a profit, let alone a freakin' novel.

Hugh Laurie: Because he totally stole the name Dr. Haus from me, except he spells it "House." I'm onto you, Laurie!

NJ Huff: I can understand you wanting to try for more of a serious story, but this formerly "stupid funny" comic has just turned into a freakin' dark soap opera. Eric Burns of Websnark calls this little change of mood "First and Ten" syndrome, where "Rather than be a mix of the Funny and the Story with much better developed characters and more of a sense of reality, the strips fall into a suckfest of angst and misery, with bad things happening to characters we like and all sense of fun beaten out with a stick."

People who review webcomics: Because you have too much time on your hands! Throw those empty pizza boxes away (or recycle the cardboard, that's better), get off your lazy ass and go outside! Learn some Krav Maga or maybe even meet some girl. Do something other than bitch about other people on a blog where you'll be lucky to get 5 regular readers unless you somehow get linked by Penny Arcade or Ctrl-Alt-Del through an act of God!

And for the record, I am not a webcomic "reviewer," I am a Webcomic Watchman. There's a difference. Until next time, this has been a special edition post from Dr. Haus, I hope you all enjoyed it. If you wish to praise me, my E-Mail can be found on the sidebar, just replace "-at-" with "@" when sending me a message.

UPDATE: Saint Stephen is so great that he took up a hella lot of space, so I just had to shrink it down to a thumbnail, but you can still click it and get to the real picture for full effect.


  • YES. Master Paolini is going DOWN.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 7:18 PM  

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