The Webcomic Watchman

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

A summary of webcomic drama that no one could give two shits about:

Yeah, the title pretty much says it all.

Apparently, there's a big hubbub about some outfit named Platinum Studios buying DrunkDuck, spiffing up the website, and releasing it as DrunkDuck 2.0! Now with only 70% of the crappy, unimaginative sprite comics that existed before and 25% more crappy, unimaginative actual stories! Apparently, they plan to give a few artists some stipend for doing good comic work, including the oft-rebellious D.J. Coffman and the team of people behind some new comic called Cowboys and Aliens. The only one I recognize is a writer named Fred Van Lente for his work on The Silencers and Action Philosophers!

In any case, professional webcomic dude/asshole Scott Kurtz and his professional groupie Kristopher Straub got their respective panties in a wad and started screeching at DJ Coffman and anyone else who cares about the integrity of webcomicry...seriously, was Scott McCloud's phone busy? Must've been, because he's the only other guy I can think of who would care.

In this case, I believe in the free market principle: If you think it's a good business model, then go take your shit to Platinum and ask for a paycheck. If you don't, then keep going with your own method of selling your webcomics or webcomic-related material. Lord knows Kurtz could find outlets for his shit long before anyone even heard of Platinum Studios.

With luck, I will finish my review of a comic that deserves a kick in the ass within the next week. Here's a hint: It's a "popular" comic even before DrunkDuck had a "two-point-oh" where the comedy relies purely on references to DC/Marvel characters.

Friday, September 01, 2006

Review #16: "Tearing across new (perforated) lines!"

I'm not generic! Just look at my badassness!
No, I'm not Dante from "Devil May Cry"! I have a scar, dammit!

Title: Hunters: Fall of Evergrace
Artist: "ScreamSin" (real name unknown)
Collective: None
Genre: Action/Supernatural
Updates: Unknown

Let us see how many cliches we can spot in the first 40+ pages of this (*cough*) masterpiece:

An evil blood cult [1] tries to raise some huge monstrosity through sacrificing the blood of innocents [2] when a mysterious, [3] brooding [4] antihero [5] [with fireproof clothing] named Night [6] and his team of Hunters [7] fight against these evildoers whilst spouting cheezy one-liners[8] for reasons unknown. For some reason, no one bothers to look out their bedroom window [9] and notice that a monster the size of a tall office building [10] is walking right outside[11]. Night slices people with a sword about the same size as his whole body [12] while others use guns, a chain whip [13], and magic. Including one gunfight scene that almost seems ripped off of The Matrix Reloaded [14].

I really should've paid more attention to this comic, but there's really not much to say about it. A bunch of cultists, "Hunters", demons and Not-Dante from DMC fight each other for...some reason that hasn't been explained yet. If you've drawn 42 pages of comics, and you haven't even begun unraveling any sort of plot, and you aren't drawing "Pointless Violence," then maybe you should just start over. Hell, look at Neotopia [Review #7]. It only has 47 pages as of this writing, but at least it gave us a little history about the protagonist before giving us the action. This thing doesn't even go that far, nor does it have nearly the quality of artwork to help me overlook its flaws.

Lazy-Ass Summary
Art: 2.5/5 Not entirely bad, but GAS plus blurry special effects equals not that great.
Story: 1/5 If you squint hard enough, you might find a semblance of one.
Humor: 1.5/5 It kinda parodies itself, unfortunately. Otherwise, not much humor attempted here.
Action: 2.5/5 Look at this scene, apparently, he felt like ripping off the Cartoon Network's version of Justice League as well, where superheroes are punched through conveniently placed skyscrapers without any damage to them or anyone inside.
Characters: 1.5/5 "For the last time, I'm not Dante! And stop calling me a Mary Sue! So what if I hang out with a bunch of androgynous Hunters who feel the need to slaughter evil things for an unknown reason?"
Overall (not an average): 3/10
Evil stuff: Plenty of simluated blood product and violence.
Final Thoughts: What's there to say? This webcomic sucks. Just thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster that "ScreamSin" can draw passably or this would be one of the many sprite comics that seem to pop up every 5 minutes on DrunkDuck.

In other news, does this mark the return of Dr. Haus to both of his regular readers? That is unknown, but I had written some of this, and viewing it again gave me the inspiration to finish it.

We shall see if this marks an actual comeback.

UPDATE (9/21): Oh noes! Some guy on the internet doesn't like me! Whatever will I do?

Hiatus will (hopefully) end soon.