The Return(?) of Doctor Haus
It's difficult running a clinic where all sorts of webcomic personas ask for a diagnosis.
It's even more difficult when you occasionally have to go fight your arch-nemesis who thinks he can do it better, only to vanish after scratching you across your lower-right eyelid with a surprisingly sterile scalpel. Plenty of people have requested my help, like that one guy who posted a link to me after the webcomic boogeyman John Solomon beat him with a 2x4 so long ago.
Thank God for non-biodegradeable stitches, I thought as I slowly cut the thread one-by-one. The receptionist boy said I should totally see an ophthamologist about it, in case the eye itself was actually damaged, but I told him that I was a doctor, and with the amount of drugs in my system, I wouldn't feel a thing.
Of course, then I felt myself practically crying blood as I took my own stitches out, like in one of those crazy animus, or maybe more like that one scene in the crappy-except-for-Sammy J's-voice Afro Samurai. In any case, the receptionist boy was busy taking down insurance information as I ran to get a shitload of gauze and some rubbing alcohol.
It was gonna be a long month, but those webcomics needed to be saved. They needed the healing that only Doctor Haus could provide! So I swore that I would once again return...just as soon as the space under my eyelid stopped bleeding.
[Ed. Note: The preceding story was partly inspired by true events. Actual humor coming soon...after this message]
It's even more difficult when you occasionally have to go fight your arch-nemesis who thinks he can do it better, only to vanish after scratching you across your lower-right eyelid with a surprisingly sterile scalpel. Plenty of people have requested my help, like that one guy who posted a link to me after the webcomic boogeyman John Solomon beat him with a 2x4 so long ago.
Thank God for non-biodegradeable stitches, I thought as I slowly cut the thread one-by-one. The receptionist boy said I should totally see an ophthamologist about it, in case the eye itself was actually damaged, but I told him that I was a doctor, and with the amount of drugs in my system, I wouldn't feel a thing.
Of course, then I felt myself practically crying blood as I took my own stitches out, like in one of those crazy animus, or maybe more like that one scene in the crappy-except-for-Sammy J's-voice Afro Samurai. In any case, the receptionist boy was busy taking down insurance information as I ran to get a shitload of gauze and some rubbing alcohol.
It was gonna be a long month, but those webcomics needed to be saved. They needed the healing that only Doctor Haus could provide! So I swore that I would once again return...just as soon as the space under my eyelid stopped bleeding.
[Ed. Note: The preceding story was partly inspired by true events. Actual humor coming soon...after this message]
posted by Dr. Haus at
7:29 AM
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