The NAQ! (v1.04)

Well, most websites have one of these lists lying around somewhere, so I thought I’d introduce what shall henceforth be known as the NAQ (a.k.a. “The Nack”), the Never-Asked Questions, the questions you’ve always had but were too afraid to ask.

Who are you?

I am Dr. Haus.

…care to elaborate?

I am Dr. Haus, a young man living on the east coast who is currently going to college in the midwest. I’ve done a wide range of jobs including Janitor/Bagboy/Stacker in a supermarket, State Senate Page, and reviewing music CDs for a semi-independent online publication. I’ll probably be doing more in the future.

Are you a real doctor, or actually studying to be one?

Does the Pope take a crap in the woods?

You didn’t answer my question...

Tough shit.

Fine. So, what convinced you to start a blog about webcomics?

Because I am a huge fan of the medium. An outlet where people can put their creative energies on display for all to see, without always having to argue with some big corporation for shelf space. That, and when I started this I had a lot of free time on my hands. I read a lot of webcomics, and am often searching out new ones to explore, so I decided to put my creative energies to better use.

Do you have a webcomic of your own?

I would, but I can’t draw for shit. I tried teaming up with an artist on a couple occasions to make one, but both times, the artist just couldn’t follow through or simply vanished. So for now, I just make stories in the form of the written word.

If you can’t draw, what makes you qualified to judge my comic?

There are plenty of movie critics out there who have never acted or made a movie themselves, yet any positive quotes they make get slapped on the movie’s DVD case. There are food critics who have never worked as chefs, yet some restaurants frame their articles and plaster them on the wall. Yes, I have never created a webcomic, but I’ve seen enough of them in a large variety of art styles and story genres to know what should make a good one and what should make a bad one. You are perfectly welcome to disagree with my reviews either by E-Mail or commenting in the respective post itself, but don’t bitch and moan if I give your comic a bad review.

In short: Ebert's Law

You’re mean!

Believe me, I’m one of the nicest critics out there, especially compared to Mr. John Solomon, but I will still tell even the ones I like where they need improvement. The thing about webcomics is that, for every real diamond in the rough, five more exist that are complete and utter crap, and three of those crappy are sprite comics by people who can’t even write to save their lives, let alone draw. If you want someone to kiss your ass, there are plenty of other websites out there that will be glad for the exposure. But if you want an honest critique about your comic, the Doctor's office is always open.

Okay, so what’s up with your rating system?

Ah yes, the eternal question. Basically, I just call it the “Lazy-Ass Summary,” put there for people who don’t feel like reading the 3-4 or so paragraphs I wrote about the comic.

I rate the important aspects of the comic individually: Art, Story, Humor, Action, and Characters. These usually don’t factor into the overall score, but are kind of a warning what to expect. For instance, something like Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal would have low scores in Story and Characters because it is a “one-shot gag” strip, but its humor value would be high. The overall values are often based on the comic’s strengths, rather than its weaknesses.

Nowadays, the Lazy-Ass Summary has been eliminated.

Why did you stop the Lazy-Ass Summary when you came back?

Because I decided to quit trying to rate every comic when I saw that some of them actually have totally different writing and drawing methods than others, and just let the review speak for itself.

Why do you need to warn us of “evil stuff?”

Because I used to think people cared about that shit. Nowadays, it's disappeared with the rest of the Lazy-Ass Summary. I'll warn you if there's a conspicuous plethora of sex/violence/awfulness, but I take no responsibility for anything the artists of the reviewed comics have drawn.

I’ve been contacted by some guy named Adam, claiming to be your receptionist. Who is he?

Oh yeah, he’s my means of communicating with those pitiful souls who ask me to review their comics. He always complains about me having a God Complex or something, but just because I am the greatest man alive and people should worship me doesn’t mean I have a God Complex.

Why don't you update often?

Because I have a life outside of this blog. Unless you feel like paying me (hint, hint) to post, the reviews will come when I feel like writing them.