Special Edition: News Reel #1.1

Well folks, Dr. Haus has been using his writing energies for things that don't include writing about webcomics, and has been inoculating himself with perfectly legal drugs for unrelated reasons. So until such time as he feels like doing another one, here's a few that may or may not find themselves reviewed:

• Sword? Ess-Twelve-ord? Sizzord? Who thought that title was supposed to be cool?
• "So there's a guy named Marsh, and he's rocketing across the universe, or something..."
• Mommy, why does Little Red Riding Hood pack heat?